Jokes
Q: What's the technical term for how fast someone can type instructions into a command line?
A: Their terminal velocity.
Q: What do you call a college town located in the African savanna?
A: A hippo campus.
Q: What's another name for someone who worships fried potatoes?
A: A chip monk.
Q: What do you call french fries that you eat in your hotel room?
A: Suite potatoes.
Q: Where did the chemist decide to invest his money?
A: In covalent bonds.
Q: What did the mathematician order at the Italian restaurant?
A: Fibo-gnocchi.
Q: Why didn't the aliens follow through with their trip to visit Earth?
A: Because nobody wanted to planet.
Q: Did you know that many people call Las Vegas "Sin City"?
A: I've always wanted to go to Cos County. Or maybe even Tan Township. But definitely not Arcsin Archipelago.
Q: What do you call a slightly used Christmas tree?
A: Re-fir-bished.
Q: Have you heard of the new operating system called "Tinted Windows"?
A: Yeah, it's exactly the same as regular Windows except you can't cin.
Q: What's another name for the contest where scientists tried to be the first to design a replacement for vacuum tubes?
A: The relay race.
Q: How did the speaker manufacturer respond to claims that their products boosted the treble range of people's music?
A: They called them bassless accusations.
Q: Why did the man get a lifetime supply of Italian ice cream?
A: He won the gelottory.
Q: What do you call chilis that have been blessed by a priest?
A: Holy Ghost Peppers.
Q: What do you call a vehicle that can transport any type of breakfast food imaginable?
A: A universal cereal bus.
Q: What kind of car do the wealthiest sheep always buy?
A: A Lamb-borghini.
Q: What's the cheapest car that a sheep could buy?
A: A Ewe-go.
Q: Why did the physics students look forward to the optics unit?
A: There was always a light workload.
Q: Why did the physics students dread the Electricity and Magnetism unit?
A: There was too much ohmwork.
Q: Why did the detective return his smartphone to the store?
A: Because he cracked the case.
Q: Why is it usually hard to understand the comments in someone else's code?
A: Because you can't expect a pro grammer to be a grammar pro.
Q: What do you call it when you run a database query for the second time?
A: A SQL sequel.
Q: What was the sysadmin's most impressive party trick?
A: Knowing how to ride a unixcycle.
Q: What did the programmer buy his wife for her birthday?
A: A Perl necklace.
Q: What's the best way to pack your suitcase when you need to bring dental products?
A: Use flossy compression.
Q: What is a bird's favorite way to listen to music?
A: With a FlyPod.
Q: What do train engineers bring as a snack when they go to work?
A: Rail mix.
Q: How do physicists experimentally find the density of a body of water?
A: They use a rho-boat.
Q: What tool should you use to locate a good Greek restaurant?
A: A gyroscope.
Q: What was the mathematician's New Year's Resolution?
A: To integrate more calculus into her life.
Q: Where do most homes get built?
A: In house plants.
Q: How did the electric guitar builder gather materials for his job?
A: He used his pickup pickup pickup.
Q: Why did the mathematician stop learning about ellipses?
A: He couldn't focus.
Q: What was the mummy's favorite computer science discipline?
A: Cryptography.
Q: What did Gollum say when he tried to trace Frodo's Internet traffic?
A: "What has it got in its packetses?"
Q: What did Noah put on his ark so that he could navigate better?
A: Floodlights.
Q: What type of medicine should you take before flying into the airport in Los Angeles?
A: LAXatives.
Q: What was the appliance manufacturer's favorite Led Zeppelin song?
A: D'ryer Mak'er.
Q: How did the British statistician rate his favorite beverage?
A: He used a tea-score distribution.
Q: Why did the lion stop watching TV?
A: He didn't like mane-stream media.
Q: What do you call it when garden statues stop a filibuster?
A: Gnomencloture.
Q: What do garden statue geneticists study?
A: The geGNOME.
Q: Where did the woodworker put all of his networking equiptment?
A: On a router table.
Q: What did the biochemist use to connect to the World Wide Web?
A: An ETHERnet cable.
Q: What did the cryptographer eat for breakfast?
A: Hash browns.
Q: How did the cryptographer improve her hash browns?
A: She salted them.
Q: Which officer has the most authority in a server room?
A: The Linux Colonel.
Q: How does the Linux Colonel find a laundromat to clean his suit?
A: He uses a Uniform Resource Locator (URL).
